Posted in mdmatters, on-the-go

bitten (*a very late post-written last year, an almost forgotten post)

The history of my present musings started more than 2 weeks prior to this post…

A particular incident has been tempting me to feel really disappointed and saddened. I have been very good at preventing anything from affecting me, particularly those not family-related, until that day… but I have been persevering on.

However, after days of sleepless duties, arriving home late and having so so much less (and usually “rushed”) time to spend with my hubby, son and parents, the impact of the toxicity of my life, particularly work life, was starting to “bite” me. It partly succeeded in melting my remaining energy the other night that I cried. I felt really tired. I miss my family. I miss my very evasive resting time.

I have been actually used to being tired but in the past week something pushed my exhaustion button that I felt really drained. It was not a physical load that triggered it. It was something immaterial. That something (a happening) saddened me, at first little by little, until finally my tears bursted. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

That specifically was an occasion where I felt discriminated. It was not being (indirectly) disfavoured that disappointed and made me lonely. It was the unpleasant attitudes and manners of others that saddened me. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

After that very exhausting and depressing “emo” night, I actually felt better… yet still sad, still disappointed.

I hope these feelings will evaporate soon. I hope I will be even more used to the presence of the unavoidable ‘undesirables’and ‘unpredictables’ around.

In saddening times like that, what gives me comfort is the thought (my belief) that at the end of the day, what is right and just or fare will prevail… those who deserve most the bests in life will get ahold of many beautiful things…

I hope that the gift of optimism I inherited from my mother (yes, it is true โค )will defeat any negativities that come my way… towards my goal, my family’s goals. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ


Update: “those” feelings have not yet completely evaporated, but I have become stronger, and in some ways (workwise), happier… ๐Ÿ™‚