This Determined Heart

My heart has been through a roller coaster of emotions all my life. It has gotten excited, exalted, tired even drained, sad, disappointed, frustrated and afraid. There was even a point when this seem-“sturdy” heart was on the brink of giving up on something very important and special. Amidst all the challenges it has had to go through (and the river of tears my eyes have had to shed) this heart was never dispirited… it has mastered the courage to believe and persevere on. All the life hurdles made this heart even more motivated and so much more determined to pursue its deepest desires against the odds…

For the past months, life has never been more stressful due to the Pandemic. My heart was tested once again. It was heavily burdened when the COVID 19 crisis was just beginning… there were a lot of worries, dillemas and uncertainties… It had really been so overwhelming. The concern was not for myself, it has been most especially for my family. Yet, as days go by, I have learned to embrace this year’s challenges and have decided to continue my response to the call of my “duty” but promised to do EVERYTHING to protect my family in the process. I have always known I’d be able to accomplish that by protecting myself first during ALL my duties (hospital and family-related ones). I have been very extra careful. I know, however, that it has been GOD’s help/protection/guidance from the beginning that has made my promise of protecting my family very achievable for me… (Salamat PO🙏🏻).

After all the challenges of this year, for me this is still considered a year to remember. This is because this year my heart has decided to trudge on…. to pursue the most important things it has wished to pursue from the beginning (my ULTIMATE GOALS😌❤️) which is ultimately for the most important and special people in my life… my FAMILY 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👨🏻‍🦳🧓🏻. This is as well for the the ones who in one way or another has pinned their hopes on me…

So my heart has been revved up once again… because it’s about to begin another journey…💪🏻 It won’t be easy, this heart knows well. But it is pretty determined and is praying without ceasing too (its most important weapon to every battle it has had to go through).

“Aja aja!” says my💟.

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“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.” -Vince Lombardi Jr.

Missing My ‘Writing’ Days…

All of a sudden, I miss an old hobby – the one I have considered my old, old “friend”, my confidante. I miss Writing. So much.

I hope that, one day very soon, I’ll have the luxury of time to spend more time with that dear friend of mine…

Among those things I truly miss about writing are my Kinaray-a pieces like the ones posted here… 😌👇🏻

https://balaysugidanun.com/tag/aireen-joy-tarroja/

Oh, soon… Let’s bond again my friend.📝💟

Struggle is Real

Growing up, I already had a clear goal in my mind… to finish school, work (as a teacher) and live simply with family. 😌 I was just a very simple little girl and I did not really dream (initially) to be something extraordinary.

However, it seems that I attract circumstances that are beyond ordinary. My life (with my roles as the only daughter and sister, wife, mother and a doctor/pediatrician – among my many responsibilities) has become really busy, complicated, exciting, very challenging and oftentimes draining. 🥺

Struggle has really been so real for me…

Nowadays, to say that I am experiencing challenges is an understatement… because I have been struggling with multiple and draining challenges, most of which are unexpected and beyond my control.

Everytime I feel like I’m drowning in my sea of struggles (like the past few days), I try and do my best but at the same time I surrender. I surrender to God’s loving sustenance. ❤️

Can I surpass these overwhelming tests? Alone, I can’t… but with God’s help and guidance, I believe I can and I will…. ☝️💪

Keep me strong and focused Father.🙏

Let us lift all our burdensome worries up to the most LOVING heart of our BESTest FRIEND up there. ☝️🙏

Let us let HIM Guide us through… ❤️

Cling On

I cried early in the morning today. I can’t fully describe how I felt. Tears just rolled down. Zillion of things have been consuming my mind and heart lately…

Admittedly, I have been close to being drained by a roller coaster of emotions the past week: my father was admitted to the ICU plus none of us siblings were there to assist my mother that time he was brought to the hospital, an uncle is feeling very ill, I have mounting responsibilities (work-wise and budget-wise), etc…. It was really exhausting. All throughout, what I did to surpass the daily challenge and test of optimism and faith is pray….

I don’t have any option but pray through it all… and remind myself to CLING ON to my FAITH that GOD will see me and my family through all these challenges….

I am clinging on. I will not let go.

Give me strength, Father.☝️💪 ❤️

Yey! Spaghetti!

It has already been a year… approximately a whole year since I encountered a series of “personal tragedies”. In the middle of this paralyzing pandemic, I have had intermittent doses of heartbreak. There was this draining experience profession-wise, got victimized by a careless driver and ditched without shelling out a cent for the super pricey extensive car repair, got scammed by heartless house contractors, unexpected losses, unwanted disappointments, piling responsibilities… what a year it has been….

A month ago, no matter how hard I tried to escape and avoid, the stresses caught up with me and my drained body… something happened (I am really THANKFUL☝️ it was not major) that I had to file for a sick leave. Suddenly, a tinge of fear pinched my heart. The fear was not for me, but for my family… because all that I do, aspired and worked the hardest to achieve is for my family. While on leave, I had time to rest and reflect and I have come to realize that I don’t have to be too hard on myself… that I have to take care of myself to be able to take the best care of my family…

Throughout all the woeful, heart boggling, mind numbing events of the year, I have cried a lot. I have been tempted to give in to exhaustion… but God has blessed me with a brave heart, plus a loving family. He provided me with a lot of blessings in disguises too.💛 These are the reasons I am still able to stand and go on with determination and perseverance… my GOD-provided reasons…

This morning, faced with a lot of challenges as always and with my mind full of the tasks and obligations I need to accomplish for today and the week, I couldn’t help but get so easily bothered by my very noisy, active and rascalous boys.😕 As my attempt to calm them down, I told them, “Okay, you behave and I will cook spaghetti today.“ After which they shouted at the top of their lungs joyfully, “Yey!!! spaghetti!!!“

Hearing their cheer, I stopped what I was doing, amused and wondering, why can’t I be like them?

So, I challenged myself. I should strive to be like them more. Relish every simple blessing.

Despite the burden of the seem-endless problems, I demand myself to always find joy in everything and believe much MORE.☝🏻

I know it is really difficult at times, I pray we all find a reason to be joyful, our 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙜𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 😊, everyday too. Let us pray and believe on. ❤️

The Self-Haircut ;)

One of my diys… 😉 Just what I need to destress and refresh. 😌🙂

Brighter Days Ahead

How gloomy it has been… my feelings since yesterday evening. I was kinda caught off guard and was overwhelmed by THAT very sad experience… an unwanted, disheartening outcome of what I have been trying hard to successfully hurdle over the past months. An important bucket list remains unchecked yet.

Tears flowed down, heart crushed and emotions drained… I felt really tired, super exhausted. I have had similar experiences in the past. What has sustained me? Praying.❤️ It has been my go-to comfort and strength… and it has never failed.

Today I woke up hungover from yesterday’s dismaying circumstance but little by little I am gaining strength… and motivation to embrace the journey and continue on, faithfully.

Looking forward to brighter days ahead. I incessantly pray for guidance and enlightenment too.❤️

Today, Tomorrow

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:33-34

☝🏻This I have been reminded today and my heart is grateful.

You know what is in my heart Father, its whispers and prayers… In my journey with family (with all the challenges along the way), I know you will enlightment and guide me/us through…

Thank You po.

On my mind, in my heart

Occupying my mind today…

my FAMILY, our health, God’s blessings and protection.

Filling my heart today…

my LOVE for family and GOD’s love for me and my family.

HE knows what’s on my mind and in my heart today, everyday, always. HE holds my hand and my family’s too daily. HE strengthens our hearts. HE heals us of every illness in every aspect of our lives.

I am forever grateful.♥️

Beyond Compare

From the beginning, she has taught me the most important things I needed to learn and be equipped with in life… on top of the list is “how to pray”, incessantly and tirelessly at that.

Growing up, I have witnessed her generosity, humility, strength, perseverance, faithfulness and unconditional love for our family. She is loved immeasurably and unconditionally too.

She is my no.1 prayer warrior, my ultimate teacher, my motivator, my inspiration, my best(est) friend forever, “my person” and, most importantly, my mother.

The special book above is an early wedding anniversary gift☺️ from her, ~ always thoughtful, ever loving… my Nanay (mother) beyond compare.😌💝❤️💛

At Your Service

If you think Nanay Dok can help you, visit her page ( https://m.facebook.com/drnanay/?ref=bookmarks ) and send a message. 😉